Luke says Moo!

Ok, I’ve had like 3 ideas run through my head in the last 3 or 4 weeks about short movies I’d like to make. Now if I were still at Rose I could’ve gotten the Rose Film Club (mainly Bob S. and Midget) on board I could’ve made it work.

Unfortunately, I’m not in school any more and I have no real idea how to actually write a screen play. Oh, well. The ideas can float around a bit and if I get the urge I may see if I can work with someone far more knowledgeable about it.

I think one of the ideas that popped in is due to the Scottish Rite Degree work - the degrees are essentially small morality plays. And I’m in 2 of them with speaking parts (I do some hanging around in the other). So I think the want to “act” has slipped in and my subconscious is attempting to branch into that medium.

Plus, I recently got Clerks X (the 10th anniversary edition) and I watched most of the extras on the discs. Hearing Kevin Smith talk about designing the movie and film it was just…cool. Now, I don’t have what it takes to do that kind of movie, but the couple of shorts I’ve thought of could make a small splash on YouTube. Maybe.

I’ve got the urge to “create” but I don’t know where or how to make progress with it. I need some sort of “forced stimulation.”

I’ve decided the reason I did well in school and with the Rose Thorn is that I had a clearly defined goal. Graduate and produce a weekly newspaper. And then find the path that would allow that to happen. Didn’t require any large life plan or a self-defined goal – the goal was handed to me in one fashion or another. I knew where I was headed. Unfortunately, that path ended and the goal was reached 2.5 years ago. (Well the goal for the Thorn was reached every week, but the longevity of the paper was reached when I/we left it in Pookie’s capable hands.)

Now I’m on a path called: don’t get fired. Hm, that’s not really what I had in mind with how things would go.

Masonically I’m on a path that I don’t quite see an end to…groups to join, meetings to attend, ritual to learn, people to schmooze with, people to become friends with, and a couple of other minor details. The only problem I’ve recently realized is that due to the set nature of regular meetings for multiple groups I’m constantly traveling to some place to do simple business meetings or rehash the same argument over and over while never creating some sort of action plan. Masonry has started to become monotonous…except starting in December (assuming elections go in my favor) I will be Worshipful Master of my Lodge. I know this brings extra responsibility, but what other little things is it going to add to my life? What will I really accomplish? I’m not certain I’m prepared to actually lead my Lodge any where. For that matter, WHERE do I attempt to lead to?

I think that’s where I’m at in my life on all sides. I’m sitting at the end of a clearly marked trail. I’ve sat here for a little more than a year looking into the forest and saying “Well, fuck, now what?” Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be an answer returning from the forest. I keep having grand ideas on things that could be accomplished, but I’m fairly certain they’re delusions of grandeur.

So the question is asked again…where do I set my sights? I don’t know what I want to accomplish with my life. My short term goals are all currently being met. I’m an active Mason with several titled offices in several different groups. I offer some spurts of leadership and knowledge to new brothers and on occasion little snippets of wisdom to my older brethren. I continue a fairly healthy social life (although I’m rarely socially around anyone who isn’t a Freemason or related to one).

And in most things I’m content…except I’m not. I’ve got some sort of impetus in my soul that says, “GO and do.” I just wish it came with a vision of what I’m wanting to go do.

Or at least enough information for me to want to start doing something major about it…I’ve been reading on the Leadership Turn site about how leaders “do.” Well, I’m not doing anything much other than showing up at places any more. So what do I go out and do now? Where do I head to?