Luke says Moo!

Have you ever hated doing something so much that you did everything to not do it? Or procrastinated so much that you can’t do it? Like practice an instrument and play the same songs you’ve played a million times…

I used to loathe having to practice. I hated having to play the same song over and over again until I did it correctly. Even through high school I hated practicing the basics and things because they were boring.

Perhaps, I was never a real musician because I didn’t take it to heart and love every minute. Or maybe I was just too busy thinking that practice was work. (It is, but it should be an enjoyable work.)

Here’s where my dilemma sets in.

I can think of many times when I enjoyed playing music, and lots of times when music gave me some solace, but I never enjoyed the mundane practicing.

The reason I hated practicing as a child and teen is ME.

To this day, I can’t say I play rock, country, classical, or really anything. Because I was too busy playing what I was given. Playing it by the book with automaton effeciency. I could sight read, and play just about anything (given a little bit of time), but there was never anything that I picked up and made my own.

Never did I deviate or really be creative and now I’ve said what one of my problems in life has been. I’ve never devieated from the path I’ve set for myself; never been creative in obtaining my life’s goals.

I wanted to play music…I took lessons for years learning the “correct” way to read the music and then play it. Only at the very end of high school did I begin to bend the music to myself and then just a little.

I wanted to make money…I decided to be an engineer.

I wanted to be an engineer…I chose Rose-Hulman the number one undergraduate engineering school in the country. By deciding to come here, I chose the best way to be an engineer and not have to worry about any other paths to a career.

Now I’m sitting here helping a friend do homework (which is something all people should absolutely loath) and he’s working with music. Which is fun, because for once I know more about a subject than he does. Gives me this one time to feeling knowledgable compared to him.

Anyway, I’m sitting here and helping him translate from sheet music to a simulation. Now, I’m not doing a lot of the “real” work to do this, as I’m not in the class and I don’t really understand the programming language in Matlab, but it’s been enjoyable playing with the tones. I really wish some of my other classes working with sinusoids and frequencies would cover music. I understand the basics of music and tones and how they work together. It feels natural and real.

Sigh. I’m sitting here wishing I hadn’t taken all of my instruments home because they were unsafely collecting dust here.

I’m beginning to forget something I loved and have realized I still love. I just hope I can relearn what I’ve forgotten and rebuild what I’ve lost. Perhaps this time I’ll find some creativity or learn to add part of me to my music even when doing the mundane task of practicing.

There’s so much I want to do, and so little time and money to do it with. I suppose that’s a fact of life. I just hope now that I’ve said this, that I’ll learn from my realizations and be able to change for the better.